Conflicts

          One time I suppressed my feelings in a conflict with my boyfriend because as the argument was starting to get a little heated I realized I was not necessarily wrong; but going the wrong way about the situation. I needed to cool down. So technically, I didn’t suppress them right away but did so quickly after the comments were made. I believe this was a medium- intensity conflict where we both wanted to be right and win. This was privately and after the situation happened. The situation was I felt very strongly and hurt about the way my boyfriend’s mom was saying and treating me during a conversation with her. I needed to think about what and how I was saying things and possibly offending him. I realized he was getting very offended because I was cutting down his mother. I was very hurt and was saying how much she made me mad and always on me. But he started to side with her and I realized that I wasn’t going to convince him of my point. I apologized and said I shouldn’t have spoken about her that way.

The result of this was that deep down I was stewing about the situation and upset he didn’t see my point. I had realized that I should and could have gone about it a different way. But I didn’t bring it up again because I knew it was my fault for the way I confronted the situation.

        Going forward I learned to display more assertiveness when speaking of his mother or family.  I still needed to express my feelings otherwise I held them in and would blow up about the situation. But by being more assertive it helped us to communicate better with one another. I would get to say I how felt and was hurt, but I didn’t cut her down. By talking this way I realized my boyfriend was more open and understating to my feelings without him being offended thus we both got the results we wanted and where not be bitter with each other.

 

          A time when I didn’t stop and suppress my feelings was in a conflict with my friend’s boyfriend. He was also my friend.  I didn’t agree with the way he spoke and treated my friend. He called her stupid and said she always runs her mouth about things she doesn’t know.  It was very heated there was yelling involved.  We both felt strongly about our points. He felt it was his girlfriend and he could say what he wanted.  I got mad that not only he cut her down but that it was also in front of a group of our friends. Not that it would have been okay if he did it in private but that it was even more embarrassing for her.  We both were aggressive so it wasn’t solving the situation. I just felt someone needed to stand up for her. I didn’t back down because I didn’t believe he was right. It ended up I left the situation because there was no way either of us would win and he would not calm down.

        The conflict was never resolved and we don’t speak any more. I still keep in touch with my girlfriend and not him. But with her unfortunately its not the same. In hindsight I could have approached it in a different way and possibly addressed it privately not in front of the group. This may have turned out better and her boyfriend may have realized how hurtful he was to his girlfriend. But I think either way, with the type of person he was, he would have still been aggressive with me. I think it would have still ended the same way where we would no longer be friends.